Open Letter to Dr. Leonore Tiefer

                  Dear Dr. Tiefer,

                                     Your mission seems to be changing people's minds about how they think about sex.  Well, put me down as mission accomplished.  Your book, Sex Is Not A Natural Act, shook me awake out of my complacency and you weren't gentle about it either.  One of the most powerful take-aways for me was the metaphor about learning to play an instrument versus the biology model of sex education.  Why not view sex as a symphony and be swept up in the mood and nuances and spirituality using all kinds of instruments and musical styles?  This metaphor is deeply impactful!  Thank you!

                                    However, as a former card-carrying member of the National Organization of Women, I do disagree with you in some chapters.  Why former?  Because I found that all feminism did was make me angry with half the world's population.  It was feminists who pushed me away when they looked down their noses at my choice to stay home and raise children.  It was a Planned Parenthood survey that fumed right-wing conservatives wanted to take away women's rights to have abortions up to 9 months in utero.  I wasn't for that!?! I thought abortion was only legal up to a couple months.  That was the end of my alliance with feminism.

   

                                   I see the old familiar feminist anger on page 177 where you mention Judith Levine writes "man-hating as an inevitable result of feminist insight,'The personal is political,'"

Must we hate our fathers, brothers, boyfriends, husbands just because they are men and therefore part of the oppression?  In therapy, this is called 'problem-saturated' language and prevents finding solutions. As social constructionists, can we collaborate with the misogynists in our midst like hip-hop artists to start a conversation about how women are more than sex objects to be used? 

My recommendation is to watch Portlandia and Toni and Candance to get an idea about feminist hostility.  How are Women & Women First sales? Do customers leave with books and a positive experience?  No, not even women customers.  Talk about feminist humor!

                                    By the way, Levine's "joke" about the man "plunging on" on page 178 epitomizes my fear about sex therapy which is too much  focus on whether one partner is satisfied and takes love out of the coital encounters.  This is not funny.  I wonder if we improve relationships if the sexual expression will improve too?

                                   Pioneers like you encounter heavy opposition so the going must get tough for you at times.  In those discouraging moments, remember me and so many others have a new perspective on sex due to your hard work. 

                                    All the best,

                                    Carey