Reflections on Dr. Laura Berman's Sexual Healing TV show

Dr. Laura Berman is following in Kinsey's footsteps by creating an impressive sex therapy clinic.  This episode documents three couple's journeys from low desire and arousal to much more satisfying sex lives in a week's retreat at the Berman Center.  Dr. Berman's techniques and results are effective but I wonder, if she were to follow-up with these couples in a year, whether their improvements would still be evident.   In the following, each couple's vignette and the positive and negative aspects of the methods employed are examined.

First we meet Tom and Debra who have been married for 16 years and whose sex life has dwindled down to nothing for years.  Debra declares that she would be content never to have sex again.  Tom is understandably hurt by this but his commitment to Debra is evidenced by his patience and caring, supportive attitude throughout the episode.  

Dr. Berman seems to employ a biopsychosocial approach because she has all three women clients get a medical examination.  I can only assume that, for the sake of broadcast time, the men had a medical exam too. As far as the therapy theory model, Dr. Berman seems to use an individual psychotherapy theory because her role as therapist is as an expert giving directives. Dr. Berman also seems to rely heavily on sex toys as the way to heal couple's sexual problems.  This technique's drawback is the novelty can wear off resulting in the toys staying in the dresser drawer. 

My concern is that Tom and Debra were not given the opportunity to explore in conversation during the therapy session their own ideas about what could help their sex life. In other words, I wonder what Tom and Debra might have come up with in a solutions-focused brief therapy session.   Possibly one negative experience with the vibrator could result in Tom and Debra foregoing sex again. Is that possible?  How about this for a scenario?  Tom happily pulls the vibrator out but Debra is so distracted by worries or vaginal dryness, that no matter how long they try, she still doesn't climax.  The Berman clinic is an "artificial" setting, in a way, because there are no screaming children or dishes to be washed or bills to be paid.  So what works there might not work at home.

The next couple, Brandon and Sabrina, were having sex two or three times a day at one point.  But then Sabrina had gastric bypass surgery as a way to lose weight and hold onto Brandon's desire. However, as her weight went down so did her desire so their frequency reduced to twice a week.

Kudos to Dr. Berman for uncovering Sabrina's past sexual abuse but am I the only one who thought the doctor could have been more sympathetic and less in a hurry to restore their frequency rate?   I would like to have spent some time with this couple exploring why Sabrina felt the need to undergo major surgery to hold on to "her man." Why wasn't Brandon asked about his judgement about Sabrina's "too small mouth"?  So because Brandon asked Sabrina to marry him, everything is going to be like a fairy tale? This scenario should spark some feminist outrage.

Then there is Shawn and Kerrie who have a self-described mediocre sex life "like doing the laundry."

I do not understand Dr. Berman's command that Shawn look at his wife's genitals.  Clearly he could use some psychosocial education about vagina elasticity and childbirth instead of this command that he clearly does not want to obey.  One directive that might work is that Kerrie should stop giving Shawn oral sex until he gives her the same. That might help him get over his hesitation.

 What I would like to try the FIRO therapy model with this couple because Shawn indicated that he is not in the mood for sex when the house is messy.

In the FIRO model, Shawn's demand for cleanliness relates to the first level of interaction or inclusion.  Does Shawn view himself as part of the family with Kerrie and their children to participate in cleaning? Once the inclusion question is settled, then this couple can address their "control" differences as seen in their rope climbing exercise and in Shawn withholding oral sex from Kerrie. The FIRO model purports that once the inclusion and control issues are agreed upon, then their intimacy issues will resolve themselves.  I think Shawn and Kerrie have potential to illustrate the FIRO model's effectiveness. 

Of course, it easy to play Monday morning quarterback about this episode of Sexual Healing. Dr. Berman's work clearly had an overall positive impact on all three couples. I just wonder if the positive changes would last in the long-term especially given the universal application and use of sex toys. All the couples deserve recognition for their willingness to invite viewers into the most intimate part of their lives.  I wish them all the best.